Love

I am humbled daily being around a love that constantly is pointing me back to my King. These people understand the love of the Father and some don’t even know Him yet. And to me that is so heart wrenching that it makes me squirm at the thought. Here I am a follower of this Christ, and I’m surrounded by people who understand the Kingdom better than I’ve learned in all my church saturated years.

I look at a little girl, and because of her circumstance has no right as a Thai citizen, forced into poverty, and desperate to even survive. Who’s mom wants to sell her to an older man just simply for extra money that month. And after escaping that fate, is yet faced with another tragedy again and again that will end with tears and brokenness. Everywhere this girl turns she is faced with people who will not fight for her, but people that continue to use her. 

And yet despite it all, her heart continues to love. She would give anything for the family that attempted to sell her. She will love them till they leave this earth. And it’s not just a love that says, “I love you.” But it’s a love that speaks. A love that looks like something. And to me, it’s the most humbling thing I’ve ever seen in my short little life. It’s the kind of love that when you see it, it makes you fall down in the dirt and just cry that hopefully one day, with God’s grace, that I could show love like that.

You see the problem is that I’ve come from a culture that doesn’t necessarily value an action of complete and udder love. To where if someone tried to sell you for money, where you would be raped daily, impregnated, forced to mother a child, while you were still a child, broken among many things...... Would you still love them and come back for the people that sold you into that? Honestly I think, no I wouldn’t. I would never go back to them. I would never show them love ever again. Some of us would go so far as to try to repay the ugly they gave to us.

And people……being here and seeing……I can say these precious little girls look more like the Father than I ever will.  I pray that wherever this finds you that you can feel the love these girls show and pour out. It is life changing. It is tear jerking. It is soul captivating. And this is what my King said to look like. Through the brokenness….through the sometimes disgusting parts of life, to make your love look like something. Love the ones that you can’t. Love the ones that hurt you. Lets set down what we’ve always been told is honorable and right. And begin to look like this King we serve.

New Year new lessons

Another year has passed by and with every little event, smile, and breath I am continuing to learn on this journey that always brings me back full circle. I am totally beyond how words can express the happiness and joy in my heart at what God is doing to this weak little life of mine.  I have found that sometimes it is better to just sit and sit and continue to sit instead of speaking about it.
However today I will speak.

When first moving to Thailand you think living in a foreign country you are constantly looked at, talked about, and starred at. You are the one that doesn't fit, that looks differently, and who will always and forever be the odd ball. But being in this beautiful land for almost a year now, I feel more at home now than in the place I grew up. And part of me doesn't like that......but then I realized that this weird occurrence is because my heart and soul are made for this simple, non glamorous, non trendy, dirt road kinda lifestyle. I cannot deny it any longer. Happiness dwells within because my soul aches for it. I love coming home to a bunch of girls running around outside, climbing in the trees trying to cut down bananas. I love going into the hilltribes and having a meal on the dirt floors with beautiful people. I love the line of ants that loves to keep me company in my room. I love when the water goes out and you have to go to bed all stinky and gross. I love that my husband brings me home a rose he got in the hilltribe mountains instead of diamonds. And honestly I don't know how to explain this shift in thinking accept for the grace of God. But I can tell you that I am more happy now than I ever have been!

Now this doesn't mean that everything is all peachy easy here on the other side of the world. We still deal with moral issues and things that taste sour in your mouth. And there are times you might want to walk away from all the things we as stupid humans mess up. But then where would we go? We as humans will always mess it up, but it's putting your feet down, slowing down, and trying to always come back to those 'red letters' that brought you here to start with. Over here, it's easy to get this mentality of patting yourself on the back, like " good job, Gabby, look what your doing. You've given up being comfortable, your family, and what you're used to, to do what you're doing". But this is when I have to look back at those 'red letters' and then I realize.......it's not about the numbers, it's not about the quota, it's not about what you gave up to be here. It's about that one little smile you get. The chance of a little girl's life looking different enough to bring the Kingdom to her own people. And for that......I stay. I love till my eyeballs can't stay open. Wake up and do it all again the next day.
Happiness comes to the ones seeking truth. And not truth that you've always known, but new truth that you never knew existed. There happiness lies. There unspeakable freedom lies.

Life and a bunch of random goodies

Oh My!!! Things have really been crazy since my last blog. So where to begin, I have a hard time even now putting together my thoughts. (so sorry this might be a random one)

First things first, with all of God's goodness, Jake (my handsome bearded husband) has landed in Thailand. And I can't begin to describe in words how happy I am. We've done this long distance thing before, but quite frankly I'm not a fan of it. But all in all, he is here soaking up this new very different Thai lifestyle, that I believe is beginning to win his heart. And I won't go into a million details about how he got to be here in Thailand, but I will say he has taken an opportunity to work with an amazing organization dealing with human trafficking here in Thailand. Now, he would hate to know I'm writing about his stuff, but good gracious God is good.

Other things......my beautiful sister got married and moved back to Asheville! I mean my baby sister, is a MRS!!!! That in and of itself is craziness. But I am so happy for them, and with everything in me I wish I could have made it back for that beautiful day.

Also other things......the girls are back and school has started up, so many trips to school have been in the making. And let me remind you.....opposite side of the car, opposite side of the road, and stick shift. Definitely had my practice sessions on the back roads. The village people probably think I'm crazy. (No, I know they think I'm crazy!) But with all the practicing, I'm starting to get the hang of it......and I know my dad is shaking his head right now, in disbelief considering he was the one that was practicing with me on our manual VW bug months before I left for Thailand. (Hehe!) Honestly though, I really am getting the hang of it.

Also went running in the village a couple days a ago, and two mangy dogs came barking out at me. Your first instinct is to run away and try to out run them, but after the one white dog got a hold of the rubber on the back of my shoe......I turned around and started screaming at them, and kinda charging back at them. Needless to say they stopped in their tracks, because of the weird human barking back at them. After that I think I'll start carrying a stick.

All in all.....and I knew this would be a random blog, still trying to sort out stuff in my head..... but Thailand continues to win me over, I am blessed beyond belief, and God is good. He is always good! Pray in this season that discipline for the search of His Spirit sets in, and that a greater knowledge of purpose is revealed to me.  Pray for my girls that they will study hard in school. That they will learn to know the Father's heart. Pray for the men they will marry, who will lead them in their marriage. What I've learned recently is that sometimes life can be a bunch of jumbled up events, that seem mind crowding. But under it all, after taking moments to sit and reflect, The Father's hand is always there. Many hugs and kisses form the land of Tuk Tuks and Mango sticky rice! Love yall!

Pray for rocks

People ask me often, what do you need prayer for? and a lot of times it simply are the things that usually I struggle with on a day to day basis. Like trusting God fully with everything, waiting on God, and sometimes I just need people to ask God to allow me to have patience with everything and for everybody.

But today, I need prayer that (and I know this will sound random) but I need prayer that God would send rocks. I told ya....random.....but I really feel like the girls at Eden House need a place where they can go and seek after God's face. A quiet oasis where they can actually spend time alone with their Maker. Growing up with 30 plus girls does not always ensure a time where they can reflect and spend 'alone' time with God. So creating this space or Garden of Eden would provide the opportunity for that. After brainstorming, we think having a fire pit, with maybe some stadium type seating, and some Thai style lounge seats would be awesome. When looking at what we would need, it's a bunch of rocks for the fire pit and mural patio flooring. Also we would need bamboo, but being in Thailand bamboo is everywhere, so that won't be a problem. 

Honestly this is something I feel like God would smile over, so when you pray, pray that He would send rocks. As simple and random as that may sound, that is what we need. We serve a Big God that takes simple things and makes them great. A little garden doesn't seem like much but when it promotes depth and yearning for their Maker, it means a lot for the Kingdom. So when you pray today....pray for rocks. 

Small Blessings

Yesterday I was blessed to be able to go back to Mae Sai Thailand, where two years ago the stunning 6.9 Earthquake hit with us being only 15 miles from the epicenter. Now some of you might remember that time when I was here in Thailand, and my blogs explaining what had happened and such. And actually through God's beautiful plan how the earthquake brought me to Eden House, which is where I am today.

But I want to bring back the memories of that night when everything turned upside down, and a little boy walked into our lives. His name is Abbabba and he is from Burma, who comes sometimes to the Thai side to beg and receive food from the Drop in Center. There was something special about this boy, something that I can't really explain even to this day. He is deaf, so communication was very limited and consisted of mostly hugs, nods, and smiles. On the night of the Earthquake, he happened to be near the center, and came running for protection and safety. Not understanding or knowing what happened, he clinged to our arms as we tried to decide what to do. After waiting many hours on the street our contacts thought it best that we be evacuated out of the city, which meant that precious Abbabba would not be able to come with us. There were many road blocks where we were going and with him being Burmese, it would not be safe for him to try to sneak in. So as we loaded the truck, he looked at us confused and puzzled. We tried to explain that we had to leave, but words were meaningless. The truck started to drive away, and my heart began to drip with pain, as he grew smaller and smaller in the distance. My thoughts were, "Would he be ok?" "What if he thinks we abandoned him?" In a couple passing days, we decided as a team to go back to Mae Sai to try to say good bye to the kids before we left for our next destination. Everything in me wanted to see Abbabba to make sure he was ok, and to hug him one last time. He walked into the center and sheer relievement and thankfulness overcame me, that he was safe. Even though it's been two years when I think of Mae Sai, I think of many things but mostly, the Earthquake and Abbabba.

Which brings me to today. When arriving in Mae Sai yesterday, I was filled with almost nervousness as to maybe being able to see him again. But my head doubted, "What if he doesn't remember me?" "What if something bad has happened to him over these past two years?" And so part of me began to doubt a little that I would even get to see him. As I walked down the street, that leads to the Drop in Center, I was so excited, I thought my skin was gonna jump off me and run there. And as I turned the corner, the gates were closed, and a sign was up saying that they will be closed till April 19th. My heart sank, and I almost said out loud..."Told ya so...." So I decided to just walk around and look at all the shops and items for sale. Time passed, and once again, wanted to check the Center to see if anybody was there. Nobody. So I started walking up to the gate and bridge that separates Burma from Thailand. Just taking in everything, watching people try to jump the fence, older ladies begging for money. Little kids begging for money.....and all of a sudden, I looked over and I saw a face I can never forget. As I continued to stare at him, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that.....that was Abbabba!! He crossed over the road and our eyes finally met. He just starred right back, until finally a little smile. I motioned for him to come over, and coming over rather quickly he ran to the fence. I put my hands up on the chained links, and he put his small little hands up trying to grab mine. Right then and there, my eyes filled up with tears, and I began to point to the Center. I said "Abbabba", and he just shook his head. He then motioned like everything shaking, meaning the earthquake, and I knew he remembered. There in front of me was that precious boy that captured my teams heart. There was our Abbabba, alive and well.

God's timing is impeccable and perfect in everyway. I cannot choose to think any differntly. Time and again God has shown me this, and yesterday was another simple reminder of that. Beautiful is the God who orchestrates this thing called life. Beautiful are His ways. Seeing Abbabba has challenged me to once again fully trust and hope that God knows and sees all. When I saw Abbabba, I think of hope and God's power used through this little boy. Pray that God would protect him. Pray that God moves in and through him. Pray that this little deaf boy will change the nation of Burma. We serve a powerful God that uses unlikely things to bring about His glory. I cannot choose to see the world any differently. Once the heart has seen, there is no other life outside of truth. Blessed are we!

Change is a comin

This is something that has been on my heart over this past week, and it's something that I believe if we grow to adopt to have priority in our own lives than we would begin to see the world change. I want to start by telling you about this beautiful daughter of the King of Kings, that has left a huge imprint on my heart. She was one of the original seven girls at Eden House, when Vern and Audrey first started this ministry. So she has been and seen it all from the beginning. And I have had the privilege to spend some time recently with her, while she is home from university, and our conversations have been so full of the Spirit and eye opening for me, that I can't help but share.

She was born in the Northern Hill tribes of Thailand, and a huge percentage of these people are not even accepted as Thai citizens. Which means they will never be able to own land, drive a car, or get an education past the 9th grade to say the least. These people are ostracized and neglected. Having this assumption about them makes life that much harder for these people who already have many things against them. Injustice, corruption, and evil found their way into these areas, because of lack of opportunity and education.

I asked her about her life at Eden House, and when talking about her time here, her voice is filled with so much thankfulness and gratitude. She explained to me that if she hadn't come to live at Eden House, she probably would have had to get married at a young age and start having children. She also said that the risk of something very bad happening to her would have also been high. The knowledge that her future would have not been the same is something very real to her. And as I listen to her story, I think of all the girls that have never been given the chance of this opportunity, and my heart aches. Then she says something to me so raw and captivating that I almost want to start crying. She says, "If you treat people as they are, they will remain as they are, but if you treat them for what they could be, they will become what they can be". And as I heard the words, the symbolism in that moment almost overwhelmed me. Here is this beautiful woman, who from birth was dealt a card of hardship, who had the opportunity for someone to come into her life and tell her she could be more. And look at her, she is in University, about to graduate, and have a life outside of forced marriage, prostitution, or slavery. That in and of itself is so beautiful, that I could just weep because of God's glory in it. And then she has the wisdom to grasp a concept that a lot of people have not grown to understand. So I asked her what she wants to be when she grows up, and at first she says, "I don't know." But then I say, at the end of your life, you could stand before your Maker happy and fulfilled because of doing......what?" And she then said, "I want to help people see that they can be more and realize what they could do." And at that I felt like my soul was about to burst into happiness. The world WILL change! If we start seeing the potential in people instead of what society says about them. The world WILL change if people are given affirmation about how Christ sees them. The world WILL change if we choose to sacrifice self for the progress of others. It will change. Her story has pulled the strings of my soul into action beyond what I even think is capable, and it's something that if we accept as priority I believe our Maker will smile down on us. A famous man once said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." And I would say, "The people will change, if you see them as changed." God is working. My perspective is changing. And through it all, God is good.

Status Quo

I was asked the other day, what is it exactly that I do here at Eden house, and at first my response was a little filled with just jibberjabber. But as I thought about what I actually do, it's not really something that will fit into a neat and tidy status quo box that we've created in society. So.... I will try to answer but everything in me, just wants to say.....I am simply living life with this beautiful family. Everyday looks different. Every little thing we're trying to bring the Kingdom to the girls. It might mean I play a board game with the girls, that I paint 200 plus fingers and toes with nail polish, that I wash Apheridii's hair who has been recovering, or that I simply might talk with the Founders, Vern and Audrey, about how God has blessed their lives. There are not any concrete schedules, I guess you could say, besides love till your eyes can't stay open. Wake up and repeat. This is a slow life, where the little things point you to the Creator in a way that seems to pierce your inner most being every time. And most of you know that I can have this mentality of Go Go Go, and however despite all that, this just feels so right, and so close to the Father's heart. It always seems to me that whenever we slow ourselves down do we start to see the Spirit, feel His hand, and begin to smell the fragrance of God's presence in your life. So today, slow down. Bring the Kingdom, to the least of these. Lets forget about the status quo of life and start focusing on the words of Christ by loving till it hurts and forgetting what the world wants from us.