When Christ went into the desert I wonder what others thought? Did they think he was crazy? Or maybe even a little irresponsible. Part of me wants to think that it didn't really matter what others thought, but we have to remember that this was at the start of his ministry. And a strong beginning is always important.
This past month and the start of this crazy journey has been one that might have looked crazy to the ones around us, and sometimes even to me. But walking away, quitting my job and being able to listen and be quiet away from everything that seems so familiar has been so eye opening. It has been a knee dropping experience that I have found myself baffled at the greatness of God. Everything that we sought out to learn, God replaced with what He wanted us to learn. So on my knees I can say that the mere plans of man are nothing in the eyes of the God of the Universe. A beautiful woman described me as a wild horse the other day, and it was something that was a good reminder for me. And this wild in me doesn't want to be domesticated. It doesn't want to fight for new shoes or a mortgage. It wants to fight for the mouths not being fed, for the women who are forced into the industry, and for the little ones that are voiceless. And it seems like every time I head down the road to domestication I flare up and can't handle it. But yet true submission to a master never seems to go against the wild in me. It almost fits like that was what I was created for. So how can the two exist? How can something wild want to be domesticated under the right master? And this is where I find myself...... The desire to not be domesticated fits within the reign and rule of the master of the Universe. If it doesn't than we are being domesticated by the wrong masters.
So being on this journey that seems crazy...the Spirit wants me to submit to the plans I haven't made. And for me this is extremely hard. So walking into the desert was hard but coming back and submitting to the full and complete authority of Christ is gonna be even harder. But submission is what we are called to do. And through this then God can take that wildness and use it for His purpose. This is what I'm learning in this funny class of life. My prayer is that I will be filled with so much of the Spirit that my thoughts are not my own. And that my knees hurt so much from seeking after what my Master wants that I begin to forget what I want.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Wow it's been a year since my last blog....
Wow.....I cannot even believe that my last post was in November of last year!!! Time, time, where have you gone? Well, where to begin as to what has happened lately..... Lets see..... it seems as if it has been a roller coaster of events and experiences. However every single thing looks to have been bringing me baby steps closer to purpose and meaning. I begin to think back recalling moments and things God has revealed in this past year, and honestly I could really write a book about them all.
In a nut shell here we go.....Jake left for the military which was hard on it's own and through that whole process God taught me how to once again be content with just God- not an easy lesson to learn when married. But through God's grace he has left the military to come out a changed man with ambitions and dreams that only God could have given. Those months seemed trying and confusing but oh so filled with the Spirit. My prayer during those months consisted of three things, that God would give confirmation, that vision would be shown, and that purpose be revealed. And Oh How Great is our God! Confirmation was given, vision shown, and only through all these things is purpose just now being revealed. Life is funny sometimes and only through laughter do you get from one trying moment to the next. But this is what I've come to learn.....Darkness does not want Light to overthrow....so it will do everything in it's power to stop this. But knowing the power of Christ lives in us should repel us to continue to Shine....even if it seems like we can't.
As of recently God has given me and Jake a passion to seek deeper than surface level issues. Just having a good heart and feeding the poor doesn't necessarily mean its good. God wants more. When we sat down and looked at the God of the Bible, He is a jealous God wanting everything. His relationship with the Israelites was one that required a lot but it is a beautiful example of the magnitude of it all. So how do you reach someone beyond just giving them a meal and a bed. It's like the old saying, you can either feed a man a fish or teach a man to fish. We want to teach, live among and fill people with the Spirit. So we are on this crazy journey trying to figure out how to teach, how to fill with the Spirit. And in this past month, I have learned so much....it seems I can't keep it in. God is filling us up with desires I never knew I had or wanted.
Then there is also that it has been almost two years since I returned from Asia and the visions given there seem to be coming to fruition even now. Me, being this impatient person I am, I want to hurry along God's plan. And in God's humor it has been two years of just preparation and learning which needed to happen. I can honestly say that every moment I have wanted to just get on a plane and return, but yet God has been like, "Youre not ready!" Through this past year I have learned to be quiet. I have learned that regardless of whatever you have planned- God has in mind what He wants, so you can either submit or be miserable. I have learned to love and cherish the sovereignty of God, and to find humor through messing up. If we are walking in the Spirit, life won't be how you expect it to be, so we need to stop planning. I've come to realize that I don't in any way want my life to look planned and organized out. I want to follow the red letters in the Bible in such a way that if it means my life doesn't follow what may look like 'success' than so be it.
It's funny though because during the refining process it seems I always want to jump off the potters wheel before He's done with me. But I seem to forget that if I do that I'll be all lumpy and unfinished. These past two years I have prayed for purpose and forgot sometimes that when God is forming the pot, He is giving it purpose! So in this.....I can have Joy, unspeakable amounts of Joy!
In the end what is a year of a man's life? Well hopefully if we are being filled with the Spirit daily, that life begins to look like something. Because lets just be honest.....Life is messy. We don't start out looking like a beautiful pot. We start out looking like a pile of clay. And only through God's grace do we start to take form. This year though has been one of remembering to stay on the wheel until He's done with me. And I'm still on it, waiting and waiting. So until next blog, still waiting, learning, and soaking it all up.
In a nut shell here we go.....Jake left for the military which was hard on it's own and through that whole process God taught me how to once again be content with just God- not an easy lesson to learn when married. But through God's grace he has left the military to come out a changed man with ambitions and dreams that only God could have given. Those months seemed trying and confusing but oh so filled with the Spirit. My prayer during those months consisted of three things, that God would give confirmation, that vision would be shown, and that purpose be revealed. And Oh How Great is our God! Confirmation was given, vision shown, and only through all these things is purpose just now being revealed. Life is funny sometimes and only through laughter do you get from one trying moment to the next. But this is what I've come to learn.....Darkness does not want Light to overthrow....so it will do everything in it's power to stop this. But knowing the power of Christ lives in us should repel us to continue to Shine....even if it seems like we can't.
As of recently God has given me and Jake a passion to seek deeper than surface level issues. Just having a good heart and feeding the poor doesn't necessarily mean its good. God wants more. When we sat down and looked at the God of the Bible, He is a jealous God wanting everything. His relationship with the Israelites was one that required a lot but it is a beautiful example of the magnitude of it all. So how do you reach someone beyond just giving them a meal and a bed. It's like the old saying, you can either feed a man a fish or teach a man to fish. We want to teach, live among and fill people with the Spirit. So we are on this crazy journey trying to figure out how to teach, how to fill with the Spirit. And in this past month, I have learned so much....it seems I can't keep it in. God is filling us up with desires I never knew I had or wanted.
Then there is also that it has been almost two years since I returned from Asia and the visions given there seem to be coming to fruition even now. Me, being this impatient person I am, I want to hurry along God's plan. And in God's humor it has been two years of just preparation and learning which needed to happen. I can honestly say that every moment I have wanted to just get on a plane and return, but yet God has been like, "Youre not ready!" Through this past year I have learned to be quiet. I have learned that regardless of whatever you have planned- God has in mind what He wants, so you can either submit or be miserable. I have learned to love and cherish the sovereignty of God, and to find humor through messing up. If we are walking in the Spirit, life won't be how you expect it to be, so we need to stop planning. I've come to realize that I don't in any way want my life to look planned and organized out. I want to follow the red letters in the Bible in such a way that if it means my life doesn't follow what may look like 'success' than so be it.
It's funny though because during the refining process it seems I always want to jump off the potters wheel before He's done with me. But I seem to forget that if I do that I'll be all lumpy and unfinished. These past two years I have prayed for purpose and forgot sometimes that when God is forming the pot, He is giving it purpose! So in this.....I can have Joy, unspeakable amounts of Joy!
In the end what is a year of a man's life? Well hopefully if we are being filled with the Spirit daily, that life begins to look like something. Because lets just be honest.....Life is messy. We don't start out looking like a beautiful pot. We start out looking like a pile of clay. And only through God's grace do we start to take form. This year though has been one of remembering to stay on the wheel until He's done with me. And I'm still on it, waiting and waiting. So until next blog, still waiting, learning, and soaking it all up.
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