Love

I am humbled daily being around a love that constantly is pointing me back to my King. These people understand the love of the Father and some don’t even know Him yet. And to me that is so heart wrenching that it makes me squirm at the thought. Here I am a follower of this Christ, and I’m surrounded by people who understand the Kingdom better than I’ve learned in all my church saturated years.

I look at a little girl, and because of her circumstance has no right as a Thai citizen, forced into poverty, and desperate to even survive. Who’s mom wants to sell her to an older man just simply for extra money that month. And after escaping that fate, is yet faced with another tragedy again and again that will end with tears and brokenness. Everywhere this girl turns she is faced with people who will not fight for her, but people that continue to use her. 

And yet despite it all, her heart continues to love. She would give anything for the family that attempted to sell her. She will love them till they leave this earth. And it’s not just a love that says, “I love you.” But it’s a love that speaks. A love that looks like something. And to me, it’s the most humbling thing I’ve ever seen in my short little life. It’s the kind of love that when you see it, it makes you fall down in the dirt and just cry that hopefully one day, with God’s grace, that I could show love like that.

You see the problem is that I’ve come from a culture that doesn’t necessarily value an action of complete and udder love. To where if someone tried to sell you for money, where you would be raped daily, impregnated, forced to mother a child, while you were still a child, broken among many things...... Would you still love them and come back for the people that sold you into that? Honestly I think, no I wouldn’t. I would never go back to them. I would never show them love ever again. Some of us would go so far as to try to repay the ugly they gave to us.

And people……being here and seeing……I can say these precious little girls look more like the Father than I ever will.  I pray that wherever this finds you that you can feel the love these girls show and pour out. It is life changing. It is tear jerking. It is soul captivating. And this is what my King said to look like. Through the brokenness….through the sometimes disgusting parts of life, to make your love look like something. Love the ones that you can’t. Love the ones that hurt you. Lets set down what we’ve always been told is honorable and right. And begin to look like this King we serve.

New Year new lessons

Another year has passed by and with every little event, smile, and breath I am continuing to learn on this journey that always brings me back full circle. I am totally beyond how words can express the happiness and joy in my heart at what God is doing to this weak little life of mine.  I have found that sometimes it is better to just sit and sit and continue to sit instead of speaking about it.
However today I will speak.

When first moving to Thailand you think living in a foreign country you are constantly looked at, talked about, and starred at. You are the one that doesn't fit, that looks differently, and who will always and forever be the odd ball. But being in this beautiful land for almost a year now, I feel more at home now than in the place I grew up. And part of me doesn't like that......but then I realized that this weird occurrence is because my heart and soul are made for this simple, non glamorous, non trendy, dirt road kinda lifestyle. I cannot deny it any longer. Happiness dwells within because my soul aches for it. I love coming home to a bunch of girls running around outside, climbing in the trees trying to cut down bananas. I love going into the hilltribes and having a meal on the dirt floors with beautiful people. I love the line of ants that loves to keep me company in my room. I love when the water goes out and you have to go to bed all stinky and gross. I love that my husband brings me home a rose he got in the hilltribe mountains instead of diamonds. And honestly I don't know how to explain this shift in thinking accept for the grace of God. But I can tell you that I am more happy now than I ever have been!

Now this doesn't mean that everything is all peachy easy here on the other side of the world. We still deal with moral issues and things that taste sour in your mouth. And there are times you might want to walk away from all the things we as stupid humans mess up. But then where would we go? We as humans will always mess it up, but it's putting your feet down, slowing down, and trying to always come back to those 'red letters' that brought you here to start with. Over here, it's easy to get this mentality of patting yourself on the back, like " good job, Gabby, look what your doing. You've given up being comfortable, your family, and what you're used to, to do what you're doing". But this is when I have to look back at those 'red letters' and then I realize.......it's not about the numbers, it's not about the quota, it's not about what you gave up to be here. It's about that one little smile you get. The chance of a little girl's life looking different enough to bring the Kingdom to her own people. And for that......I stay. I love till my eyeballs can't stay open. Wake up and do it all again the next day.
Happiness comes to the ones seeking truth. And not truth that you've always known, but new truth that you never knew existed. There happiness lies. There unspeakable freedom lies.