Mixed Feelings

So here I am....sitting in air condition that is too cold......eating peanut butter that we couldn't find two weeks ago and if we did it was 15 dollars...and I'm down right kinda confused. I'm having mixed emotions, feelings, and desires that are really hard to describe. Why would I want and desire to go back to a place that is so poor? Why have I been given this life when I very well could have been a child in Cambodia struggling to find a meal for the day? I don't understand why I have been given all this. I don't understand what I'm going to do with all this. But that's just it....it has been given to me, and what I do with it, I will be held accountable for. So yes..... it may be easier to go back and live a life that is simple, stress free, and intentional. But I'm here....and happiness will come from finding those things amongst the craziness, shallowness, and insanity that Americans have created. As the days progress of being immersed into my society again...I feel farther away from where I came, so this is my prayer.....that the slowness and simplicity of Asia will find me again. That the contentment and pure happiness that I saw in the slums could find me despite the odds. Everyday is a beautiful gift from our Creator....so give Him glory. As Americans we are some of the most blessed people on this Earth....recognize that.....and live that!

Goodbye Asia

This is it people…..my journey ends tomorrow when I board the jet plane that is headed home. I’ve been thinking about how to bring this to an end…..and honestly I don’t really know what to say. I mean how do I summarize into one blog what these past four months have done for me. How do I begin to conclude something like this? And that’s just it…..I don’t have to conclude it or put a period at the end, because this isn’t the end. The God I saw and experienced in Asia is still very much the same God of America. So it doesn’t end here, I can’t wait to come back and bring light into the darkness. These four months have shown me many things and among one, that we are children of the light and there is darkness everywhere not just in Asia…..so I’m excited to return and see where God will take me.

Before this trip I wanted control of everything and every part…..and through being broken for the women of Phuket, surviving an Earthquake, living in the slums of Cambodia for the past six weeks, and many other things…..I am changed. Throughout this entire journey, I have been reminded of so much, and I have been challenged so much by the most unlikely of situations. And I can say confidently that God has moved me. I have seen and lived with a people that have nothing but yet possess unexplainable peace and joy. I have learned through mistakes that God gives second chances, I have experienced the unfathomable splendor and bigness of God through natural disasters…and through it all I am changed. These past four months have been the most exhausting four months of my life…… spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. But I would not change it! I would do it again…..ministry is life and so I plan on doing it every day from here on out! Life is too short not to experience the King. So goodbye Asia…..I will not miss your noisy honks or crazy motorbike drivers, or random mystery meats, or weird smells early in the morning. Thank you to everyone for your prayers and support….there were times that this was the only thing getting me through! Tomorrow I’m coming HOME!!!!

Humbled through the Slums

Imagine going to the mall and getting your white chocolate mocha from Starbucks...talking with your friends....showing each other the new shirt you just bought.....and literally right around the corner from this mall is a group of people living in the worst slums you've ever seen.  A couple days ago we had the opportunity to help out with a kids ministry that a church puts on for these slum kids. When we arrived the entrance looked bad, with cardboard and scraps of wood as walls, tin pieces acting as roofs over these tiny little shacks. But when we began our entrance in to this little strip where people were calling home....I had already begun to have pity on these people. There was trash everywhere....rotten food, flies swarming everywhere from the stench of this place. Naked kids running around...hardly any with shoes on their feet. People trying to make something so bad into a home...dirty faces everywhere....dirty hands clinging to yours...because they are so excited you're there. We were given the tour of the stretch of these make shift shacks and then began to set up for the kids ministry.

We layed down a tarp over the trash filled street and had about fifty kids sit down on it. The church volunteers were awesome...singing songs with the kids, telling them Bible stories....they even let us sing some songs, and do a game with the kids. These kids ranged from about two to fourteen years old. But some thing that honestly took me by surpirse was these kids worshiping. I have never seen worship like this before...in all my life. These kids were raising their hands....praising God in a way that I have never seen. From their surrounding they should have been complaining...they should have been asking God why they were given a life like this. But these little children had risen above their circumstances and decided that they would praise the Creator of the Universe despite what had been given to them.

But then as we were about to leave our translator told us that they wanted to pray a prayer of blessing over our lives. My mouth dropped open.....as these tiny hands began raising up and this beautiful language was poured out over us. I lifted my hands and received this prayer still in shock of what was happening. I did not understand how someone who has absolutely nothing would want to pray blessing over my life....and I have everything? I do not understand this selflessness. This was probably the most humbling thing I've ever had to go through....and something I will never forget. What would happen if we all lived out our lives with this type of selflessness toward each other? Well I think we would look a lot like Christ......and that's what I saw that day. Christ in the slums...with all the flies, skin diseases, and malnourished children. I want that....and so my pity for these people turned into a longing and desire to have what they have. They may not have anything in the world eyes, but they have something so deep and profound, that only the Father can give.....and I want that!