New Year new lessons

Another year has passed by and with every little event, smile, and breath I am continuing to learn on this journey that always brings me back full circle. I am totally beyond how words can express the happiness and joy in my heart at what God is doing to this weak little life of mine.  I have found that sometimes it is better to just sit and sit and continue to sit instead of speaking about it.
However today I will speak.

When first moving to Thailand you think living in a foreign country you are constantly looked at, talked about, and starred at. You are the one that doesn't fit, that looks differently, and who will always and forever be the odd ball. But being in this beautiful land for almost a year now, I feel more at home now than in the place I grew up. And part of me doesn't like that......but then I realized that this weird occurrence is because my heart and soul are made for this simple, non glamorous, non trendy, dirt road kinda lifestyle. I cannot deny it any longer. Happiness dwells within because my soul aches for it. I love coming home to a bunch of girls running around outside, climbing in the trees trying to cut down bananas. I love going into the hilltribes and having a meal on the dirt floors with beautiful people. I love the line of ants that loves to keep me company in my room. I love when the water goes out and you have to go to bed all stinky and gross. I love that my husband brings me home a rose he got in the hilltribe mountains instead of diamonds. And honestly I don't know how to explain this shift in thinking accept for the grace of God. But I can tell you that I am more happy now than I ever have been!

Now this doesn't mean that everything is all peachy easy here on the other side of the world. We still deal with moral issues and things that taste sour in your mouth. And there are times you might want to walk away from all the things we as stupid humans mess up. But then where would we go? We as humans will always mess it up, but it's putting your feet down, slowing down, and trying to always come back to those 'red letters' that brought you here to start with. Over here, it's easy to get this mentality of patting yourself on the back, like " good job, Gabby, look what your doing. You've given up being comfortable, your family, and what you're used to, to do what you're doing". But this is when I have to look back at those 'red letters' and then I realize.......it's not about the numbers, it's not about the quota, it's not about what you gave up to be here. It's about that one little smile you get. The chance of a little girl's life looking different enough to bring the Kingdom to her own people. And for that......I stay. I love till my eyeballs can't stay open. Wake up and do it all again the next day.
Happiness comes to the ones seeking truth. And not truth that you've always known, but new truth that you never knew existed. There happiness lies. There unspeakable freedom lies.