Unexplainable Peace

Being here with these girls...Ive learned many things....perseverance, patience, hopefulness, but today I am comforted by peace. Peace that I can't describe in words because honestly it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to be overflowing with peace that comforts all my negative thoughts and complaints. But today I was hit in the face with the fact that I am learning....I still am changing. My greatest fear was that I would become stagnant and stop growing and learning what God wants. But it seems to be quiet the opposite. Through the sweat, mosquitoes, and simplicity of this place...I am beginning to see how God is working in me. He is beginning to show me who He wants me to be beyond surface level. It's not about this place.....like I thought it was. It's about taking everything I'm learning back to the place I'm going. Yeah.....it's easy reading the word daily.....when there is nothing to do during the day. It's easy to reflect how God is working when it's incorporated into your daily schedule. But what will happen when I return? And that's just it......I'm taking it back with me. Everything Ive learned thus far....will get on that plane with me back to America. It doesn't stop here. So I can have peace that I won't grow stagnant and that God is still working...and that everything thus far was not just be accident or by chance. Your words carry power....so I declare....it doesn't stop here! I will not grow stagnant! I have peace because I will become who Christ wants.....even if it involves an air conditioned suburb house or sweat and lice.....I will become who Christ wants!

Purpose through a nap

Today....in sweaty Cambodia, my day started out like any other day. Until after lunch...we were playing with the girls, when I noticed that one didn't have that smile on her face like she normally does. I went over to her bed that she was laying in, and asked her what was wrong. My thoughts were maybe she had a bad day at school, or maybe one of the others girls were picking on her. But this was her response, as she looked at me with those beautiful brown oval eyes...."I am sick." I then asked what was sick, and she pointed to her stomach and throat. Now those who know me....would understand that normally I would probably say..."Oh you're fine....you just got a tummy ache." But the next words that came out of her mouth....were some that melted my heart. She said, "Will you sleep next to me." My heart had been so hard at learning and being broken for these children. Playing with them daily is different from having a desire and passion for them like Christ has for them. And at that moment my joy that I've been lacking, the compassion that had failed to stick....flooded in and came in the form of sleep. So despite everything else, the sweatiness, sickness, and probably lice....I climbed in that bed and held her till she feel asleep. That sleep was filled with something that I've been searching for...that sleep spoke to me. I woke up and knew that once again I was filled with purpose...once again this is where I am supposed to be. God speaks through everything...in a smile, in a laugh...and even in holding a child that feels sick. My heart was changed and melted by one little girl, a nap, and doing something that I normally wouldn't do. Her fingerprint will forever be on my heart....which made me reevaluate my heart being in this place. There are people we encounter daily....and what is the fingerprint you are leaving behind? Who does it reflect? What does it say? I know that if something as simple as comforting a child can leave that kind of impression on me...than what are saying to the world? I know that what I want to leave behind......is to reflect the colors of the King! I want every encounter with people to be filled with the fragrance of Christ love. Let God speak.....stop drowning out His voice with things that have no eternal value. And look for it everywhere.....even in a nap.

This is where I am

It has been a while since I’ve blogged…so I am sorry for no recent updates, but I am going to try to convey my day here in Cambodia on a daily basis. We wake up, sweating, to the rooster crowing at least 10 times every two minutes. The breakfast bell is rung and I crawl down out of my bunk bed that is wrapped in mosquito nets. I shuffle outside down the wooden steps to a table with fresh fruit and eggs. After sweating all through breakfast, our team meets upstairs on the porch to have our daily worship and prayer sessions. And today, I must say I was in need of this time. Sometimes I wake up so grouchy here, because I can’t sleep through the night. Because all I have is a small fan, and literally I am sleeping in my sweat. So after team time, we start the day. We play with kids all day long….and I mean up until we go to bed. We do things from play little Cambodian hand games, to spoons, to making bracelets and jewelry. Sometimes we just all curl up on the wooden floor and I get my laptop out and we watch a movie. Other times they might be in the mood for a game of tag or musical chairs. Now you can imagine from the second I get up….I begin to sweat, so cuddling and hugging all the time, sometimes doesn’t sound all-appeasing. So after a long day of playing all sorts of games…we shower off and try to cool ourselves down before the night. Now…when I say shower off, imagine a spicet sticking out of the wall, with a bowl underneath it. The water comes out of the wall….falls into the bucket,….then I take a cup scooper thing and try to splash myself as best as possible.

Now to those who have read the above, you might think that these are all complaints about this place. But let me be clear…..God has been teaching me lately to live in the present. A lot of times people live in the past or they are always looking to the future. And God is teaching me, with all these things, to be here. You can never get to where you want to go, if you do not understand where you are. So this is where I am. I am in a house with rats, lizards, and mosquitoes, and no air condition. We don’t have a shower, and get woken up by a rooster every morning. I sweat all the time, and am never dry. But this is where I am. This is where God wants me. This is where I have seen people be so joyful despite their circumstances. This is where when I get down about something stupid like living in 98-degree weather with no air…a little girl comes around the corner and gives me the biggest hug. I am here in this place with reason and purpose. This is where I am….this is Cambodia.

Fairgrounds and Perspectives

I'm beginning to understand this bigger picture thing........ that seems to continue to change with every day and every experience. Last night we took our girls, or rather they took us, to the Cambodian fair. It had bright colorful lights, cotton candy, and popcorn. It seemed just like an American fair ground, except we had thirty something Cambodian girls clinging to our arms like glue. It was the best feeling ever, knowing that they were so proud to be holding our hands. It was as if we were their new toy....that they wanted to show us off to all of their friends. We bought some snacks and walked around, some kids rode a couple rides...but then we ended up sitting on this wall. I was confused at first, because they seemed content sitting on this wall playing patty-cake games than riding these awesome rides. I was thinking in my head.....when I was a kid, and there were rides in front of me....I'd be the first one on. I'd ask my parents for money and tickets and then be on my way. And then this thought popped into my head....these kids don't have that luxury of just asking for money and then being on their sweet little way. So I looked at a couple of the girls I was playing patty-cake with, and asked, "Why don't you ride the rides?" And she looked at me with those beautiful oval eyes, and said, "I don't have money." At that point...I was disgusted at myself for not thinking of that before. I immediately said....well let me buy you tickets. And her immediate response was...."No!" I begged and pleaded, but I received the same answer as the first. So we continued to play thumb war and little hand games...and she kept asking me, "You happy?" And I would respond with, "Yes, I am very happy!" These precious little girls were more concerned with me being happy than themselves.  Even though this fair ground was filled with childish rides...they wanted me to be happy.
So that was it.....I looked at her, and said, "Please let me buy you tickets...that will make me happy." The littler ones were immediately jumping up pointing to this jumping blow up slide. All five of us got up and started running to the slide. And the whole time, the older girl was saying, "No, No, please...I cannot." I walked up to the counter, and I asked how much for four tickets, for my girls. And she looked at me with this peculiar look and said.....four dollars. I smiled, handed her the money and gave each of my girls their tickets. It was as if I had handed them the world in that moment. Stunned, they stood there, not really knowing what to do, when then I motioned to go play. It was like....the kid in them turned on...and they were free. I will never forget those smiles of pure innocence. They jumped and played as if there was nothing in the world that they needed to worry about. And just for a few minutes...they were allowed to be kids.
I must say....it was the best four dollars I have ever spent in my entire life. The Western world forgets how wonderful it can be to actually see a child smile....because we are too busy giving them everything they want. These children were more concerned with my happiness than their own. It is humbling when someone so small can impact and give you perspective on life better than anything else you might find. It is not about getting the newest and best, or having the most. It's not about the cliche ideas that media has implanted in our heads. These kids have taught me things already, and it's this...they have absolutely nothing and yet they wear the biggest smiles, give the best hugs, and are more concerned with my spoiled American happiness than their own. The bigger picture is not status quot and what everyone is telling you it is. Take that picture and throw it away, because what the world is feeding us....is wrong. Peperspectives change when your eyes are unglossed with what society is trying to blind you from. Open your eyes and see the truth that is there.....because it is a beautiful picture.