Awakened and Alive

Well it's a new year, and with the new year comes new lessons and things that will hopefully push us to be better than what we are now. Since being here in Thailand, I have learned things and seen things that will stick with me until I die. I can say first hand that sometimes the world is just awful. It's hard and cold, and I look at people over here and some times think, Why does this happen? Why do they have to suffer? I have sat on the floor crying with little girls wondering why they had to go through what they've been through. I have held little babies in villages that are so small and feeble from hunger. I have seen what poverty can do to families by pushing them into things they wouldn't normally do. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I just cry at the thought of where my little Eden house girls used to be. This past year has definelty been a year of not just looking at the hardship from across the way but about once again letting it affect every part of me, emotionally and spiritually.

I've almost been here 2 years and it's like these lessons and life cycles come in waves. When you first get here, you're so pumped about new adventures, and new people, and you're just ready and willing to do anything. And about a year into it, you start to get tired of seeing all the bad, all the hurting. So somewhere along the way, your heart slowly starts turning cold. As if you don't want to hear it anymore. As if it's not right across the street. And you start building these walls. To where you find yourself locking out everything that brought you there in the first place. But then at another unknown point something happens a particular event maybe, and all of the sudden you remember why, you're there. And that baby you're holding isn't just another skinny underfed baby, it's a person, who could someday change the world. And then once again it's like this life force rushes into you, and all that joy and hope comes back. Purpose returns and you are filled again with enough love to spread to yourself and everyone. Awakened from this deep sleep you never even knew you were in.

This next year I want to be constantly washed over with purpose. I don't want a day to go by and at the end of it I say, well what did I actually do? I want new adventures and new people to love. I want to be so consumed with love. I want to hold that baby and see the person that she could be. There is hope in new life. There is hope in new beginnings. There is hope when you find yourself closed in by the walls you created. Break them all down again. Every last one. Feel again. Let the awful things of this world hurt you. Carry grace with you. It's a new year. So be washed in purpose, letting go of the numbness. Feel the heat, it is there. Add to the fire. Create your own fire. 2015 here I am. Raw. And very much awakened and alive.