Not putting our foot in our mouth

Today I was reading an amazing blog entry from this woman who claims to be the very worst missionary. And what she said was very insightful as to a reality that a lot of time we choose not to see. I want to propose a challenging idea that might rub some of you the wrong way. And honestly I hope it does, because these thoughts definitely have me squirming.

Most of the time people have this perception of what life looks like for an overseas missionary. And I can promise you its not all digging trenches, feeding the hungry, and being selfless. Honestly and quite frankly there are days that I question if I'm being and doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

I sip lattes, try to find air condition restaurants, go to the movie theaters, use my iPhone, go shopping way to often, and sometimes don't finish all my food. I'm tired of people not seeing if for what it is. Now in this honesty, I selfishly choose these things when my Thai brothers and sisters around me, sometimes go days without food. While some have had the same pair of pants for years, and I'm looking for my 20th pair. I advocate against child labor while wearing clothes that were probably made by these very children. 

Now are any of these things individually the thing that's bad......no. I love coffee, probably on an unhealthy level, but how can I enjoy this or that if my brothers and sisters can't. I mean if we're gonna step across the line people, we need to just step across it. We can't say one thing and do another. It's a contradiction, it's confusing, and a horrible example to others as to what this following Christ looks like. Now this is hard to hear, and we will make every excuse in the book as to how the two can go hand in hand, but I'm telling you right now, they never will aline. If we're gonna call ourselves Christ lovers then we must feed the sheep. And not a misrepresentation of who He was. Now this is a lesson that I will probably continue to learn and struggle with, and the contradiction lies even now as I write this in an air conditioned coffee shop drinking my latte. I'm just kinda tired of being fake. I want to give so much I have nothing left. I wanna love so hard, that there is nothing left of myself. I want to be hungry with my brothers and sisters. I want the lines of class and wealth to disappear, and the only thing uniting us is that we have the same Maker. If it means not wanting things to erase those lines or giving everything till they disappear, I will do it. Sometimes you have to just look at it for what it is. There should be no distinction between people. Some should not live in big white houses, while some live in cardboard boxes. I shouldn't advocate and then turn and put my foot in my mouth by buying and funding it. In my life I want there to be no confusion as to who I belong to. This is something hard to hear for many, but together lets make it undeniable that Christ is our King and that we take His words seriously. 

Bananas and puzzles

So we've been back in the swing of things here in Thailand, except for the massive earthquake we had and the military coupe, everything is somewhat back to normal. Our girls are back from their villages and with them came a new little one. She is four and about the cutest thing you've ever seen. Her name is little "Bee" and boy I'll tell ya she's a stinger.

The first night of having this new little one, we noticed that she had this awful rash and open sores over a lot of her body. She wouldn't go to sleep, because she was itchy. Now I don't know about you but this is probably the worse thing ever.....when you've got a rash, it's 102 degrees outside, you have no air condition, and youre trying to sleep. Not a good combination, and to top it off she's surrounded with all these people she doesn't know and in a place she's unfamiliar with. Naturally my instinct is to help, I mean this poor baby girl is miserable. So I go get some itchy benydryll spray to maybe help her stop itching so she can go to sleep. Well I bring her over to me with everyone watching trying to figure out what to do, and I start spraying the rash. She jumps up, and starts screaming holding the area I had just sprayed. I was flabbergasted. I don't remember itchy spray ever stinging that badly. I mean she keeps crying. She's wailing. She is over in the corner not coming out because the foreigner sprayed her with something that felt like fire on her skin. Needless to say after that moment I was like the plague to her. Anytime she would see me, she would run in the other direction. She was so scared of me, because I was the bad lady.

I felt awful, all I wanted to do was help, but she didn't understand that, she just knew I had caused her pain. So about a day ago, I was determined to win back her trust and hopefully her love. I mean she's so cute, it's awful being hated by someone so cute. So I went and got a puzzle and opened up my door to my room. I sat on the floor and started eating a banana I had brought up to snack on. And before I knew it she was walking by my room. At first she just walked by very quickly. Then I couldn't believe she walked by again, but a little slower and saw the banana I was eating. But kept walking. The next time she stopped right at my door, and I decided to go out on a limb. I held out the banana and said in thai, " aow mai?" Which in thai means, you want some? And she just looked at me and sat down right at the edge of my room, right in the doorway. Still afraid she reached for the banana and started chomping away. So I decided to start playing with the puzzle by myself. She just watched me trying to figure me out. When I looked at her and asked her if she wanted to play with the puzzle. She just starred then scooted closer and closer. Before I knew it, we were talking, putting the puzzle together, and laughing. After that we were like best fiends, holding hands and all.

In writing all this I learned a simple lesson through precious Bee. That people are normally won by the most mundane things. For Bee it was a banana and a puzzle. But in saying that people are also not won by the simplest things. Me spraying that on little Bee summed up her opinion of me. I was bad. But giving her a banana and playing a little puzzle game showed her I wasn't. We need to always be careful on how we treat others, good intentions or not. Doing small things for people will always pay out. So today do the small things, do them with love, because the small things win hearts.

Life speakers

It seems to be that no matter what I do here, my heart and my everyday life seem to always collide into this beautiful mess that becomes this reassurance that I am doing what I’m suppose to be doing.

As a teacher in a foreign country, daily I am faced with things that might seem strange or unfamiliar but in reality, it is considered so normal or mundane to my students. For instance, I am teaching my students about Global issues, things such as Aids, HIV, human trafficking, wars and internal conflicts, and refugee camps to name a few. And this unit is hard to teach not only because there is a language barrier as far as trying to communicate the right information but also that some of these subjects are hard to discuss. So the other day I’m prompting my students to think of one issue that they do not like in this world. And then come up with one solution as to what they think the solution should be for the problem.

Now I had a variety of answers from bad things such as rape, war, child soldiers, hunger, poverty, and orphans. But the one that jumped off the page and into my heart was the answer of this little girl who said…. “I do not like when bad man take advantage of little girls.” Now most of you know my heart, and this is it. That is one reason why I live and work also at Eden House, which is a prevention home to help stop this.

So automatically my heart went out to this little girl. Here one of my students completely separate from my work with Eden house is being affected by this vicious cycle. And then my thoughts were, “wait, is this happening to you? Where did this happen? I’m gonna find who did this to you and go make him make things right! I will stop bad men like this! I will make them pay!”

But then I looked down at her answer for the solution to this horrific problem that seems so prevalent here, and it was this, “ Just tell the bad man to do great things instead.” That simple. Tell him to stop and do great things instead. Her solution to this problem is to speak life even into the filthiest of people. To speak life. She didn’t say, create more laws to stop pedophiles. She didn’t say go do harm to him in revenge for what he has done to her. She didn’t say beat him till he has learned his lesson. She said to speak life into him so that he becomes a better man.

Now I don’t know about you, but this cuts straight to my soul. This makes me rethink everything I used to think about these kinds of situations. This kind of wisdom astounds me to have obtained it at such a young age. But its not just wisdom, it’s a love and outlook that humanity can be better. Sometimes we make things so hard. We want things to be better or we want to help out here, or do this or that to make the world a better place. But honestly it is quite simple. We have to speak life into each other. We have to believe that even though we are covered in all the mud that we can still be washed off.  The American church today needs to grasp this small little concept spoken by a little Thai girl half way around the world. We as the church need to be life givers, life speakers, and life dwellers. Even to the muddiest of people. Even to the ones that don’t deserve it. Christ washed us. So we need to wash them.

Being in this land has made me realize that love will always win no matter what battle it is. We may think to stop evil you have to have extensive plans elaborate with charts and statistical numbers, but in reality its quite simple. Love. Speak life. And love some more.

Love

I am humbled daily being around a love that constantly is pointing me back to my King. These people understand the love of the Father and some don’t even know Him yet. And to me that is so heart wrenching that it makes me squirm at the thought. Here I am a follower of this Christ, and I’m surrounded by people who understand the Kingdom better than I’ve learned in all my church saturated years.

I look at a little girl, and because of her circumstance has no right as a Thai citizen, forced into poverty, and desperate to even survive. Who’s mom wants to sell her to an older man just simply for extra money that month. And after escaping that fate, is yet faced with another tragedy again and again that will end with tears and brokenness. Everywhere this girl turns she is faced with people who will not fight for her, but people that continue to use her. 

And yet despite it all, her heart continues to love. She would give anything for the family that attempted to sell her. She will love them till they leave this earth. And it’s not just a love that says, “I love you.” But it’s a love that speaks. A love that looks like something. And to me, it’s the most humbling thing I’ve ever seen in my short little life. It’s the kind of love that when you see it, it makes you fall down in the dirt and just cry that hopefully one day, with God’s grace, that I could show love like that.

You see the problem is that I’ve come from a culture that doesn’t necessarily value an action of complete and udder love. To where if someone tried to sell you for money, where you would be raped daily, impregnated, forced to mother a child, while you were still a child, broken among many things...... Would you still love them and come back for the people that sold you into that? Honestly I think, no I wouldn’t. I would never go back to them. I would never show them love ever again. Some of us would go so far as to try to repay the ugly they gave to us.

And people……being here and seeing……I can say these precious little girls look more like the Father than I ever will.  I pray that wherever this finds you that you can feel the love these girls show and pour out. It is life changing. It is tear jerking. It is soul captivating. And this is what my King said to look like. Through the brokenness….through the sometimes disgusting parts of life, to make your love look like something. Love the ones that you can’t. Love the ones that hurt you. Lets set down what we’ve always been told is honorable and right. And begin to look like this King we serve.

New Year new lessons

Another year has passed by and with every little event, smile, and breath I am continuing to learn on this journey that always brings me back full circle. I am totally beyond how words can express the happiness and joy in my heart at what God is doing to this weak little life of mine.  I have found that sometimes it is better to just sit and sit and continue to sit instead of speaking about it.
However today I will speak.

When first moving to Thailand you think living in a foreign country you are constantly looked at, talked about, and starred at. You are the one that doesn't fit, that looks differently, and who will always and forever be the odd ball. But being in this beautiful land for almost a year now, I feel more at home now than in the place I grew up. And part of me doesn't like that......but then I realized that this weird occurrence is because my heart and soul are made for this simple, non glamorous, non trendy, dirt road kinda lifestyle. I cannot deny it any longer. Happiness dwells within because my soul aches for it. I love coming home to a bunch of girls running around outside, climbing in the trees trying to cut down bananas. I love going into the hilltribes and having a meal on the dirt floors with beautiful people. I love the line of ants that loves to keep me company in my room. I love when the water goes out and you have to go to bed all stinky and gross. I love that my husband brings me home a rose he got in the hilltribe mountains instead of diamonds. And honestly I don't know how to explain this shift in thinking accept for the grace of God. But I can tell you that I am more happy now than I ever have been!

Now this doesn't mean that everything is all peachy easy here on the other side of the world. We still deal with moral issues and things that taste sour in your mouth. And there are times you might want to walk away from all the things we as stupid humans mess up. But then where would we go? We as humans will always mess it up, but it's putting your feet down, slowing down, and trying to always come back to those 'red letters' that brought you here to start with. Over here, it's easy to get this mentality of patting yourself on the back, like " good job, Gabby, look what your doing. You've given up being comfortable, your family, and what you're used to, to do what you're doing". But this is when I have to look back at those 'red letters' and then I realize.......it's not about the numbers, it's not about the quota, it's not about what you gave up to be here. It's about that one little smile you get. The chance of a little girl's life looking different enough to bring the Kingdom to her own people. And for that......I stay. I love till my eyeballs can't stay open. Wake up and do it all again the next day.
Happiness comes to the ones seeking truth. And not truth that you've always known, but new truth that you never knew existed. There happiness lies. There unspeakable freedom lies.

Life and a bunch of random goodies

Oh My!!! Things have really been crazy since my last blog. So where to begin, I have a hard time even now putting together my thoughts. (so sorry this might be a random one)

First things first, with all of God's goodness, Jake (my handsome bearded husband) has landed in Thailand. And I can't begin to describe in words how happy I am. We've done this long distance thing before, but quite frankly I'm not a fan of it. But all in all, he is here soaking up this new very different Thai lifestyle, that I believe is beginning to win his heart. And I won't go into a million details about how he got to be here in Thailand, but I will say he has taken an opportunity to work with an amazing organization dealing with human trafficking here in Thailand. Now, he would hate to know I'm writing about his stuff, but good gracious God is good.

Other things......my beautiful sister got married and moved back to Asheville! I mean my baby sister, is a MRS!!!! That in and of itself is craziness. But I am so happy for them, and with everything in me I wish I could have made it back for that beautiful day.

Also other things......the girls are back and school has started up, so many trips to school have been in the making. And let me remind you.....opposite side of the car, opposite side of the road, and stick shift. Definitely had my practice sessions on the back roads. The village people probably think I'm crazy. (No, I know they think I'm crazy!) But with all the practicing, I'm starting to get the hang of it......and I know my dad is shaking his head right now, in disbelief considering he was the one that was practicing with me on our manual VW bug months before I left for Thailand. (Hehe!) Honestly though, I really am getting the hang of it.

Also went running in the village a couple days a ago, and two mangy dogs came barking out at me. Your first instinct is to run away and try to out run them, but after the one white dog got a hold of the rubber on the back of my shoe......I turned around and started screaming at them, and kinda charging back at them. Needless to say they stopped in their tracks, because of the weird human barking back at them. After that I think I'll start carrying a stick.

All in all.....and I knew this would be a random blog, still trying to sort out stuff in my head..... but Thailand continues to win me over, I am blessed beyond belief, and God is good. He is always good! Pray in this season that discipline for the search of His Spirit sets in, and that a greater knowledge of purpose is revealed to me.  Pray for my girls that they will study hard in school. That they will learn to know the Father's heart. Pray for the men they will marry, who will lead them in their marriage. What I've learned recently is that sometimes life can be a bunch of jumbled up events, that seem mind crowding. But under it all, after taking moments to sit and reflect, The Father's hand is always there. Many hugs and kisses form the land of Tuk Tuks and Mango sticky rice! Love yall!

Pray for rocks

People ask me often, what do you need prayer for? and a lot of times it simply are the things that usually I struggle with on a day to day basis. Like trusting God fully with everything, waiting on God, and sometimes I just need people to ask God to allow me to have patience with everything and for everybody.

But today, I need prayer that (and I know this will sound random) but I need prayer that God would send rocks. I told ya....random.....but I really feel like the girls at Eden House need a place where they can go and seek after God's face. A quiet oasis where they can actually spend time alone with their Maker. Growing up with 30 plus girls does not always ensure a time where they can reflect and spend 'alone' time with God. So creating this space or Garden of Eden would provide the opportunity for that. After brainstorming, we think having a fire pit, with maybe some stadium type seating, and some Thai style lounge seats would be awesome. When looking at what we would need, it's a bunch of rocks for the fire pit and mural patio flooring. Also we would need bamboo, but being in Thailand bamboo is everywhere, so that won't be a problem. 

Honestly this is something I feel like God would smile over, so when you pray, pray that He would send rocks. As simple and random as that may sound, that is what we need. We serve a Big God that takes simple things and makes them great. A little garden doesn't seem like much but when it promotes depth and yearning for their Maker, it means a lot for the Kingdom. So when you pray today....pray for rocks.