Brought back with a Cup of Coffee

It's been weeks since I've returned to this blessed Nation, and sometimes I still find myself looking for a mo-ped, or getting really excited when I see an Asian family in Target. But the other day I was sitting in the coffee shop making mochas and lattes, when I noticed an Asian lady sitting at the bus stop right outside of our building. She kept glancing over her shoulder to look at our building, sending me smiles as if she wanted to say something. So I opened the window and yelled, Would you like some coffee while you wait? She got off the bench and hurried over to my window. She answered with a smile, so I began making this lady some coffee. She then asked how much it was...and I answered....it's on us.....but she looked confused. So I answered....free....free.  She then knew, understood, and gave me the widest grin I had seen in a long time. Her bus pulled up and she had to scurry away. A couple days later this same woman appeared at the bus stop again. I didn't have to say anything she came running up to the window with a bag. I opened the window and said hello, and she handed me a silk bag with a scarf in it, which was her thank you for the coffee the other day. The writing on the scarf looked Thai, so I asked where she was from and believe it or not....you'll never guess......Thailand! So we began talking this broken English which I became so found of. We began talking about Thailand....and I told her I had just returned.....and that I missed it so much! It was as if in that moment the simplicity and pureness of life was brought back to me in a conversation. Since then I have found out that daily she waits at the bus stop to go to English class at a local University....and her entire family has been in the States for about 19 years. I look forward to these conversations daily.....and know that this is not by coincidence. With every simple word we speak to each other....whether its about English class or Pad Thia....I am reminded of those four months.
Sometimes I ask myself why is it that I want to feel again what was there. And its simple..... because there was power in the pure simple life I found over there. And because it seemed like God was in everything...from a walk to the convenient store to feeding a starving child. So then I found myself asking why don't I feel that here? And maybe it's because we cover and chock out that pureness with non eternal things. I want every part of me to seek after the Kingdom...and not just on Sunday mornings. I am revived and feel as if the coldness of America has died out......and blood flows through me again. The truth I found in Asia has returned to me...through a simple cup of coffee.

Mixed Feelings

So here I am....sitting in air condition that is too cold......eating peanut butter that we couldn't find two weeks ago and if we did it was 15 dollars...and I'm down right kinda confused. I'm having mixed emotions, feelings, and desires that are really hard to describe. Why would I want and desire to go back to a place that is so poor? Why have I been given this life when I very well could have been a child in Cambodia struggling to find a meal for the day? I don't understand why I have been given all this. I don't understand what I'm going to do with all this. But that's just it....it has been given to me, and what I do with it, I will be held accountable for. So yes..... it may be easier to go back and live a life that is simple, stress free, and intentional. But I'm here....and happiness will come from finding those things amongst the craziness, shallowness, and insanity that Americans have created. As the days progress of being immersed into my society again...I feel farther away from where I came, so this is my prayer.....that the slowness and simplicity of Asia will find me again. That the contentment and pure happiness that I saw in the slums could find me despite the odds. Everyday is a beautiful gift from our Creator....so give Him glory. As Americans we are some of the most blessed people on this Earth....recognize that.....and live that!

Goodbye Asia

This is it people…..my journey ends tomorrow when I board the jet plane that is headed home. I’ve been thinking about how to bring this to an end…..and honestly I don’t really know what to say. I mean how do I summarize into one blog what these past four months have done for me. How do I begin to conclude something like this? And that’s just it…..I don’t have to conclude it or put a period at the end, because this isn’t the end. The God I saw and experienced in Asia is still very much the same God of America. So it doesn’t end here, I can’t wait to come back and bring light into the darkness. These four months have shown me many things and among one, that we are children of the light and there is darkness everywhere not just in Asia…..so I’m excited to return and see where God will take me.

Before this trip I wanted control of everything and every part…..and through being broken for the women of Phuket, surviving an Earthquake, living in the slums of Cambodia for the past six weeks, and many other things…..I am changed. Throughout this entire journey, I have been reminded of so much, and I have been challenged so much by the most unlikely of situations. And I can say confidently that God has moved me. I have seen and lived with a people that have nothing but yet possess unexplainable peace and joy. I have learned through mistakes that God gives second chances, I have experienced the unfathomable splendor and bigness of God through natural disasters…and through it all I am changed. These past four months have been the most exhausting four months of my life…… spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. But I would not change it! I would do it again…..ministry is life and so I plan on doing it every day from here on out! Life is too short not to experience the King. So goodbye Asia…..I will not miss your noisy honks or crazy motorbike drivers, or random mystery meats, or weird smells early in the morning. Thank you to everyone for your prayers and support….there were times that this was the only thing getting me through! Tomorrow I’m coming HOME!!!!

Humbled through the Slums

Imagine going to the mall and getting your white chocolate mocha from Starbucks...talking with your friends....showing each other the new shirt you just bought.....and literally right around the corner from this mall is a group of people living in the worst slums you've ever seen.  A couple days ago we had the opportunity to help out with a kids ministry that a church puts on for these slum kids. When we arrived the entrance looked bad, with cardboard and scraps of wood as walls, tin pieces acting as roofs over these tiny little shacks. But when we began our entrance in to this little strip where people were calling home....I had already begun to have pity on these people. There was trash everywhere....rotten food, flies swarming everywhere from the stench of this place. Naked kids running around...hardly any with shoes on their feet. People trying to make something so bad into a home...dirty faces everywhere....dirty hands clinging to yours...because they are so excited you're there. We were given the tour of the stretch of these make shift shacks and then began to set up for the kids ministry.

We layed down a tarp over the trash filled street and had about fifty kids sit down on it. The church volunteers were awesome...singing songs with the kids, telling them Bible stories....they even let us sing some songs, and do a game with the kids. These kids ranged from about two to fourteen years old. But some thing that honestly took me by surpirse was these kids worshiping. I have never seen worship like this before...in all my life. These kids were raising their hands....praising God in a way that I have never seen. From their surrounding they should have been complaining...they should have been asking God why they were given a life like this. But these little children had risen above their circumstances and decided that they would praise the Creator of the Universe despite what had been given to them.

But then as we were about to leave our translator told us that they wanted to pray a prayer of blessing over our lives. My mouth dropped open.....as these tiny hands began raising up and this beautiful language was poured out over us. I lifted my hands and received this prayer still in shock of what was happening. I did not understand how someone who has absolutely nothing would want to pray blessing over my life....and I have everything? I do not understand this selflessness. This was probably the most humbling thing I've ever had to go through....and something I will never forget. What would happen if we all lived out our lives with this type of selflessness toward each other? Well I think we would look a lot like Christ......and that's what I saw that day. Christ in the slums...with all the flies, skin diseases, and malnourished children. I want that....and so my pity for these people turned into a longing and desire to have what they have. They may not have anything in the world eyes, but they have something so deep and profound, that only the Father can give.....and I want that!

Unexplainable Peace

Being here with these girls...Ive learned many things....perseverance, patience, hopefulness, but today I am comforted by peace. Peace that I can't describe in words because honestly it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to be overflowing with peace that comforts all my negative thoughts and complaints. But today I was hit in the face with the fact that I am learning....I still am changing. My greatest fear was that I would become stagnant and stop growing and learning what God wants. But it seems to be quiet the opposite. Through the sweat, mosquitoes, and simplicity of this place...I am beginning to see how God is working in me. He is beginning to show me who He wants me to be beyond surface level. It's not about this place.....like I thought it was. It's about taking everything I'm learning back to the place I'm going. Yeah.....it's easy reading the word daily.....when there is nothing to do during the day. It's easy to reflect how God is working when it's incorporated into your daily schedule. But what will happen when I return? And that's just it......I'm taking it back with me. Everything Ive learned thus far....will get on that plane with me back to America. It doesn't stop here. So I can have peace that I won't grow stagnant and that God is still working...and that everything thus far was not just be accident or by chance. Your words carry power....so I declare....it doesn't stop here! I will not grow stagnant! I have peace because I will become who Christ wants.....even if it involves an air conditioned suburb house or sweat and lice.....I will become who Christ wants!

Purpose through a nap

Today....in sweaty Cambodia, my day started out like any other day. Until after lunch...we were playing with the girls, when I noticed that one didn't have that smile on her face like she normally does. I went over to her bed that she was laying in, and asked her what was wrong. My thoughts were maybe she had a bad day at school, or maybe one of the others girls were picking on her. But this was her response, as she looked at me with those beautiful brown oval eyes...."I am sick." I then asked what was sick, and she pointed to her stomach and throat. Now those who know me....would understand that normally I would probably say..."Oh you're fine....you just got a tummy ache." But the next words that came out of her mouth....were some that melted my heart. She said, "Will you sleep next to me." My heart had been so hard at learning and being broken for these children. Playing with them daily is different from having a desire and passion for them like Christ has for them. And at that moment my joy that I've been lacking, the compassion that had failed to stick....flooded in and came in the form of sleep. So despite everything else, the sweatiness, sickness, and probably lice....I climbed in that bed and held her till she feel asleep. That sleep was filled with something that I've been searching for...that sleep spoke to me. I woke up and knew that once again I was filled with purpose...once again this is where I am supposed to be. God speaks through everything...in a smile, in a laugh...and even in holding a child that feels sick. My heart was changed and melted by one little girl, a nap, and doing something that I normally wouldn't do. Her fingerprint will forever be on my heart....which made me reevaluate my heart being in this place. There are people we encounter daily....and what is the fingerprint you are leaving behind? Who does it reflect? What does it say? I know that if something as simple as comforting a child can leave that kind of impression on me...than what are saying to the world? I know that what I want to leave behind......is to reflect the colors of the King! I want every encounter with people to be filled with the fragrance of Christ love. Let God speak.....stop drowning out His voice with things that have no eternal value. And look for it everywhere.....even in a nap.

This is where I am

It has been a while since I’ve blogged…so I am sorry for no recent updates, but I am going to try to convey my day here in Cambodia on a daily basis. We wake up, sweating, to the rooster crowing at least 10 times every two minutes. The breakfast bell is rung and I crawl down out of my bunk bed that is wrapped in mosquito nets. I shuffle outside down the wooden steps to a table with fresh fruit and eggs. After sweating all through breakfast, our team meets upstairs on the porch to have our daily worship and prayer sessions. And today, I must say I was in need of this time. Sometimes I wake up so grouchy here, because I can’t sleep through the night. Because all I have is a small fan, and literally I am sleeping in my sweat. So after team time, we start the day. We play with kids all day long….and I mean up until we go to bed. We do things from play little Cambodian hand games, to spoons, to making bracelets and jewelry. Sometimes we just all curl up on the wooden floor and I get my laptop out and we watch a movie. Other times they might be in the mood for a game of tag or musical chairs. Now you can imagine from the second I get up….I begin to sweat, so cuddling and hugging all the time, sometimes doesn’t sound all-appeasing. So after a long day of playing all sorts of games…we shower off and try to cool ourselves down before the night. Now…when I say shower off, imagine a spicet sticking out of the wall, with a bowl underneath it. The water comes out of the wall….falls into the bucket,….then I take a cup scooper thing and try to splash myself as best as possible.

Now to those who have read the above, you might think that these are all complaints about this place. But let me be clear…..God has been teaching me lately to live in the present. A lot of times people live in the past or they are always looking to the future. And God is teaching me, with all these things, to be here. You can never get to where you want to go, if you do not understand where you are. So this is where I am. I am in a house with rats, lizards, and mosquitoes, and no air condition. We don’t have a shower, and get woken up by a rooster every morning. I sweat all the time, and am never dry. But this is where I am. This is where God wants me. This is where I have seen people be so joyful despite their circumstances. This is where when I get down about something stupid like living in 98-degree weather with no air…a little girl comes around the corner and gives me the biggest hug. I am here in this place with reason and purpose. This is where I am….this is Cambodia.